Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
