My friends, they love my intelligence
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
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