I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
