I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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