there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
