did you get engaged???
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
