There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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