Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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