i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
