Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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