It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
