i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
