How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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