so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
