He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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