I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
