Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
