New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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