She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You've changed since you got that strap on
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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