Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
