If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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