You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
