he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
