Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
