So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
