Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
