I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
