You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
