he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
