So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
