This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
