I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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