So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
