so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
