i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We're too hungover to prance.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
