I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
