Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
