Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
