i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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