I think I just saw someone hide a body.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
