Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
