I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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