4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
