i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
