Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Welp...herpes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
