do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
