Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
