shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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