i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
