HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
no, he came in my armpit
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
