if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
