wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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