we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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