We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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